The second requirement is a belief in yourself. I recall walking into a gallery in Ottawa in my first year, wanting to display some works, and the director saying, “You think you’re good, don’t you?” My response had been, “Well, if I don’t, who will?” Although my work wasn’t yet of the caliber of work hanging in his gallery, his response had been a broad smile, while nodding in agreement.

Therefore a belief in yourself and your calling is of utmost importance. Our ‘playing small’ doesn’t serve the world. We often ask ourselves “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented or famous?” Actually, who are we not to be? We are all meant to shine, just as children do.

Another requirement is being willing to give back without expectation of compensation, be that financial or otherwise. I have found over the years that the reward comes from doing the work itself and of bringing it to completion. That, to me, is my greatest reward.

 
Multiple Realities, by Denis Gagnon          Salute to the Miner, by Denis Gagnon is a National                                                              award winning painting

The last and most important requirement is embracing struggle with open arms. It is only through his work that an artist can find satisfaction, for the world is less intense than the world of his invention. Struggle, then, not only becomes necessary, but unavoidable.

Once you understand the emptiness of a life without struggle, you are then equipped with the basic means of salvation. For the heart of man, his body and his brain are forged in a white-hot furnace for the purpose of conflict in the struggle of creation. The conflict removed, the man is but a sword cutting daisies.

Two years ago my second wife Julie was diagnosed with breast cancer and began treatment, including surgery, chemo, and radiation therapy. Now, stress being a major factor in seizure frequency, I went through a period of numerous seizures, including both tonic-clonic and complex partial. The period between seizures was characterized by odd behavioral patterns ranging from manic depression, illusions of grandeur, obsessive compulsions and others too numerous to mention. However, as difficult as all of this may have been for both Julie and I, something good and nearly magical came from it.

At one point, having not slept for what were probably several days, I took out a couple of paintings I had finished a few years back. As they were not my favorite works, I picked up a large brush, dipped it in paint, and started applying broad, sweeping strokes across the canvas. Julie thought I’d gone completely insane. However, what I saw then was something I had never seen before: two styles merging into one piece. The contrast between my traditional high realism and the new, abstract brush strokes on the same canvas was as if seeing a fourth dimension.

So, in my art today I often use contrasting styles within the same painting. (For instance, in the painting with the child and the television, the background resembles a van Gogh painting while the child and TV are almost photographically realistic.) To me, this is what a seizure is about: a two-fold experience of reality and non-reality, of having a dream while you’re conscious— two levels of consciousness going on at the same time. I use this dual-consciousness/dual style to express what epilepsy is like for me.

My epilepsy is cyclical. Since Julie’s treatment has ended my seizures have decreased. I get occasional tonic-clonic seizures during my sleep, and a few complex partials during the day. I take medication—a new drug called Trileptal (oxcarbazepine) as well as Frisium. I was fortunately involved in a double blind study for Trileptal, which is how I got access to it (for free!). The side effects I have from these drugs I can live with—they’re much better than the side effects from seizures.

Epilepsy made me re-evaluate my entire life and all my priorities. Before I was diagnosed, I was very materialistic; seeking after all of the assets and toys I could get my hands on. I left all that behind with the pursuit of art. I learned material possessions are temporal and have little value. Human relationships are the single most important things. Purity of heart is the one success worth having.

My message to you is clear: now is the time of your life—live! That time is short and it doesn’t return. It is slipping while I write this, and while you read it, and the sound of the clock is loss, loss, loss, unless you devote your heart to opposing it by living well.

(If you would like to visit Denis Gagnon’s website, www.denisgagnon.net)